Coming soon!

I will have a baby within the next two weeks. For real. Crazy, huh?

My induction is set for December 8 right now. I'll go in at night on December 7 to get Cervidil, then I'll be induced with Pitocin in the morning. I'm really hoping for a bit of progress before then though. Right now, my cervix is sealed up tight like a fortress and the baby is still floating around and hasn't engaged.

There's a decent chance I may even be induced sooner. My blood pressure has been really high (it was 170/110 the other day). My high-risk OB freaked out about that and the fact that there is enough protein in my urine to have me in the pre-eclampsia range now. She had me do an amnio (ouch!) yesterday to check the baby's lungs. If they were ready, I would have had a c-section this morning. The baby still needs some more time though. I guess mature lungs would be a 60, but he was only a 26.

I'm a little relieved, yet disappointed not to have a baby today. I was scared yesterday and didn't feel ready when they told me the new plan. Everything seemed to be moving too fast. But in the hours that I waited for the test results, I had time to get myself used to the idea of having a baby today, even if it had to be via the dreaded c-section. I am looking forward to meeting my son. I'm also relieved that we have a little more time to get prepared to meet him. We can finish the stuff we need to do around the house this weekend. I also spent most of the day today finishing up work projects so I can be prepared in case they decide to induce me next week.

Now that we have some more time to get ready for Andrew, I just want him here now. I feel a little bad for not being ready to meet him yesterday. I feel more ready today and a little sad that I need to keep waiting. I'm also glad that we know he's not ready, so we can give him some more time to get his lungs to mature. I'm on pretty strict bedrest at this point, so my job is just to relax, keep my BP in check, and wait for Andrew.

How far along? 37 weeks, 3 days

Total weight gain/loss: I am up 6 lbs. from April.
Maternity clothes? Yes, I am pretty much in maternity clothes. I have a few large sweatpants and sweatshirts that fit me though.
Stretch marks? Oh yeah, a lot of them.

Best moment this week: I guess the best thing has been my continued connection to Andrew. I feel really close to him lately and I'm trying to treasure that because I know he's going to be born soon and I'll have to share him with everyone else. For now, he's all mine.

Movement: Lots of movement. DH and I were watching my belly jiggle a few hours ago. He is a very active baby.
Food cravings: Nothing too major right now. I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow though!
Gender: Boy.
Labor Signs: I've had a few contractions while being monitored during the NSTs. My cervix is still tightly closed though and Andy is floating and not engaged.

Belly Button in or out? In, but it is stretched out a lot.
What I miss: Caffeine, strawberry margaritas.

What I am looking forward to: Meeting Andrew. :)

Milestones: I'm now full term and getting really close to meeting my little guy!

Less than a month to go!

I am 35w 1d today! Right now, it feels like this pregnancy flew by. My OB is planning to induce me on either 12/3, 12/4, or 12/7, so I have less than a month left. Crazy! I really can't believe that I'm going to be responsible for a little baby in less than a month.

One thing that is helping me get ready is how uncomfortable I feel these days. I feel so much pressure on my pelvis and it is pretty painful sometimes. I think that is really helping me get ready for having an "outside baby" since I'm getting sick of being pregnant. It's still just so surreal though.

Since I've been so nervous about having the baby lately, DH encouraged me to make a list of the things I'm looking forward to. Here's the list that I've come up with so far:

- Holding him, smelling him, cuddling him
- His first smile and first laugh
- Introducing him to our dog, Oscar (I'm so excited about this!)
- Going on family outings to the park and beach
- Taking him to Story Land and Santa's Village in the mountains
- Seeing who he looks like
- Finding out his personality
- Watching Andrew and Oscar become best friends
- Watching him sleep and have peaceful moments
- Finding out what kind of Mom I'll be

Those are just a few things that I can think of at the moment. Feel free to add any more things that I have to look forward to in the comments section! :)

Nursery pictures

Ramblings and baby panic

I had a major baby panic attack today. DH and I were discussing the "game plan" at lunch for how we were going to handle sleep deprivation, crying babies, etc. in the first few weeks after birth. (As if you can really plan for those things, but I indulged DH. ;)

Talking about this just made me so scared--and then guilty for being scared. Some days I just can't wait to get Andy here in my arms--but today wasn't one of them! Ugh, how am I going to handle being in charge of a little infant?? He won't even be able to hold his head up--what if I forget to hold it?

Now that my due date is getting closer, I'm slightly in panic mode. I also feel guilty for feeling so afraid of having a baby. I mean, if I was a going to be a good mother, shouldn't I just be excited about this? Instead, I'm terrified that I won't be able to take care of this sweet, little baby who will depend on me and DH for its complete survival. What if I mess up this perfect angel?

DH finally talked me off the ledge. I guess all we can do is take it one day, one hour, and one minute at a time. I just love Andrew so much already and I hope we can do a good job raising him and keeping him safe.

How far along? 29 weeks!

Total weight gain/loss: I think I'm about two pounds up at this point. I gained back the weight that I lost in 1st Tri.
Maternity clothes? I'm almost exclusively in maternity clothes. Most days I just wear sweatpants though, since I'm working at home.
Stretch marks? I noticed the first new stretchmarks the other day, at the bottom of my belly.

Best moment this week: Probably seeing the baby again at my ultrasound on Thursday. I get a lot of ultrasounds, but it's always so good to see him!

Movement: Andy moves almost constantly. He has started giving me some strong cervix kicks lately that take my breath away.
Food cravings: I've been wanting a lot of foods that I'm not usually interested in. This week I really wanted a BLT, Taco Bell, and buffalo wings--all things that I don't usually like.
Gender: Boy.
Labor Signs: None

Belly Button in or out? In, but it is stretched out a lot.
What I miss: Caffeine, Advil.

What I am looking forward to: My baby shower next Sunday!

Milestones: I've officially been in 3rd Tri for about a week now. Woo hoo!

Thoughts on turning 30

Today I am 30 years old--an age that always seemed soooo old to me growing up. I'm still coming to terms with this number, though it doesn't sound quote so old any more. Now that I'm turning 30, I'm really excited about this next decade. Being 26 weeks pregnant makes this a really interesting transition for me. I feel like the 30s will be my "Mommy Years."

In my 20s, I graduated from college, got married, built my career, adopted our Westie Oscar, bought a condo, then sold that condo and bought a brand new house with DH. Sounds pretty productive, no? It's hard to think now of all of the milestones I'll have to look back on throughout my 30s. I mean--I know the baby is coming, and we'll probably even have another baby in a few years. However, I don't know what to really expect for "milestones." Are my milestones really the baby's milestones going forward? Will I be listing items like Andy getting his first tooth, Andy starting preschool and elementary school, or Andy getting his first sports trophy? Will the milestones in my 30s really be MY milestones or his??

Are the 30s going to be the decade when I become more selfless? When things are no longer about me? Of course, that isn't such a bad thing in a lot of ways. I just wonder how it's going to play out and where I'll be 10 years from now. How will this baby change me and my goals? How will it affect my relationship with DH?

So many things are up in the air right now. I feel both excited and anxious to embark on this new section of my life. I'm also happy to have such great people around me to share this next decade with.

Today is V-Day!

Today the baby is 24 weeks old. I feel like this is a pretty big milestone since this is his "Viability Day." At this point, the baby may have a chance of surviving on his own. Granted, it's not a great chance and there would still be lots of problems involved if he was born now. I certainly wouldn't want that. However, it's nice to know that Andrew has a chance at life now, no matter how small.

Andrew has been very active this week, which is so neat to feel. Friday night, he was kicking for almost four hours, which is the longest stretch that I've ever felt him kick. DH finally got to feel him kick Friday night too, which we've both been waiting for. DH said the kicks were still pretty light though. It's funny, because the kicks feel so strong to me. Last night, I could have sworn that Andrew practically popped my belly button out of my stomach.

I've also been feeling great this week, which is a nice change. Morning sickness seems to have finally left. I'm also over the flu that I had a couple of weeks ago. The only negative at the moment is my emotions. I've been crying off and on all day for pretty much no reason. I've also been pretty clingy with DH this weekend, which I have and am sort of embarrassed about. Hopefully I'll be able to get over that soon.

On another note, I finally finished my baby registry last week. That was quite an ordeal and I'm glad to be done. There are just so many decisions to be made and I'm still second-guessing the items I registered for, despite all of the research I did before registering. My Mom sent out the invitations this week too and people have started getting them. My shower is on 10/4 and I'm really excited for it!

How far along? 24 weeks!

Total weight gain/loss: I was still down about three pounds at my last appointment. I feel like I've gained at least five pounds or so at this point, but I guess we'll see at my appointment Wednesday.
Maternity clothes? I'm wearing maternity clothes most of the time, though I still fit in a few regular clothes.
Stretch marks? Nothing new.

Best moment this week: DH feeling the baby kick on Friday!!

Movement: Lots of movement--he's getting really strong.
Food cravings: I've been really into the Friendly's peanut butter cup ice cream cups this week.
Gender: Boy.
Labor Signs: None

Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: Frozen strawberry margaritas.

What I am looking forward to: Getting the nursery furniture set up. DH has the crib put together and about half of the bureau done.
Weekly Wisdom: I don't know that I have any new wisdom, other than going to bed when you get tired--even if it's absurdly early.

Milestones: V-day!

Appointment update

I just had another Level II ultrasound today as a follow-up to the "big ultrasound" because they couldn't get all the images last time. I took my Mom with me to this ultrasound since DH doesn't have a lot of vacation time. It was so cute watching her grin the whole time while watching the ultrasound!

Little Andrew is doing really well. Unfortunately, they still haven't gotten to check the heart, but the doctor said that's pretty common. He is super active and around 1.3 pounds (47th percentile). I've been really nervous about his size because my blood pressure is pretty high (though it's stayed just low enough to let me avoid meds) and I'm at high risk for GD (I passed the 3-hour at 20 weeks, though I need to take it again around 26 weeks). Between those two things, I just get nervous about where he is measuring.

I met with my high-risk OB after the ultrasound and she said she's really happy with where I am right now. My blood pressure is staying in check and I've avoided GD so far. I'm also still down a few pounds, which is where she wanted me to be at this point since I'm overweight.

They also double-checked that he is still a boy, which is a relief because we just painted the nursery last weekend!

Halfway there!

I have officially hit the halfway point of my pregnancy--I'm 20 weeks today! Crazy! Now if only I could start to show a little bit--pretty please? I still have no (new) belly. I think my cute baby bump is hiding under a few layers of fat. Oh well.

It would be nice to look pregnant, but I'm psyched that the baby is doing so well. He's been kicking me for a few weeks now and I've already felt him a couple of times today. It's such a cool feeling.

How far along? 20 weeks!

Total weight gain/loss: I gained back two pounds at my last appointment, but I'm still down three pounds.
Maternity clothes? I wear maternity clothes a little more than half the time. I still have a pair of larger jeans that fits. I really love my maternity capri pants though.
Stretch marks? Nothing new.

Best moment this week: Picking up the crib, dresser, and bedding.

Movement: Yes, and pretty often. Our little boy is very active!
Food cravings: I've wanted ice cream a lot this week. I'm not sure it was really a craving though.
Gender: Little Andrew Stafford is all boy!
Labor Signs: None

Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: Caffeinated Pepsi and frozen strawberry margaritas.

What I am looking forward to: Getting the nursery painted and the nursery furniture set up.
Weekly Wisdom: Go to bed when you start to get tired, even if it's early.

Milestones: Halfway point!

We ordered the bedding

We ordered the bedding for our little guy--and we named him! Pretty exciting, huh? His name is Andrew Stafford. We just liked the name "Andrew" and "Stafford" is after DH's grandfather who passed away. I love the name. I actually started calling him it in my head during the ultrasound.

All along, I've wanted a nautical theme if we had a boy. I found a set for a great price at Walmart of all places. Of course, I never planned to have all of the baby's furniture and now bedding and accessorize come from Walmart, but the prices and reviews were just too good to pass up. Here are some pics of the bedding we picked out.

I have a penis inside me!

So, we had the big ultrasound today--and it's a boy! Wow, I really was expecting a girl so I'm a little surprised. We are so excited though. He was really active during the ultrasound and I was worried that he wasn't going to show us the goods. Luckily, he listed to his Mommy's request and started flashing us with his little penis. We got to see it several times. I never thought I'd be so happy to have a little exhibitionist!

The baby was also doing several other cute things. At one point he was sucking his thumb, then he was waving at us. Adorable. He also kept flipping around and we got some good views of him doing a handstand. So cute.

The baby's heartbeat was 130 today, which is solid boy range (if you believe in OWT). He is also really big. He was 11 ounces today, which is farther ahead than I've been reading online. (BabyCenter says the baby should be 7 ounces today and Your Pregnancy Week by Week says around 5 1/2 ounces.)

I'm a little nervous about what to do with a boy and I'm a little scared of the first time he tries to bring me a caterpillar or bug to show me. It should be a lot of fun though. Yay!

Baby Poppy's Gender

So we find out the gender of Poppy this Thursday. I'm so excited. I thought it would be fun to go through some old wives tales before we find out the gender.

It's a boy if:
· You didn't experience morning sickness in early pregnancy
· Your baby's heart rate is less than 140 beats per minute
· You are carrying the extra weight out front
· Your belly looks like a basketball
· Your areolas have darkened considerably
· You are carrying low
· You are craving salty or sour foods
· You are craving protein -- meats and cheese
· Your feet are colder than they were before pregnancy
· The hair on your legs has grown faster during pregnancy
· Your hands are very dry
· Your pillow faces north when you sleep
· Dad-to-be is gaining weight, right along with you
· Pregnancy has you looking better than ever
· Your urine is bright yellow in color
· Your nose is spreading
· You hang your wedding ring over your belly and it moves in circles
· You are having headaches
· You add your age at the time of conception and the number for the month you conceived and the sum is an even number

It's a girl if:
· You had morning sickness early in pregnancy
· Your baby's heart rate is at least 140 beats per minute
· You are carrying the weight in your hips and rear
· Your left breast is larger than your right breast
· Your hair develops red highlights
· You are carrying high
· Your belly looks like a watermelon
· You are craving sweets
· You are craving fruit
· You crave orange juice
· You don't look quite as good as normal during pregnancy
· You are moodier than usual during pregnancy
· Your face breaks out more than usual
· You refuse to eat the heel of a loaf of bread
· Your breasts have really blossomed!
· Your pillow faces south when you sleep
· Your urine is a dull yellow color
· You hang your wedding ring over your belly and it moves from side to side
- You add your age at the time of conception and the number for the month you conceived and the sum is an odd number

Boy wives tales: 8
Girl wives tales: 11

Web sites
Bump.com Chinese Gender Chart: Girl
Just Mommies: Girl
Babyman: Girl
Mom Quizzes: Girl
Madame Zaritska: Girl
BabyGenderPrediction.com: Girl

Hmmm...all signs seem to be pointing toward a little girl. I'm pretty sure I'll be having a boy then. ;)

18 weeks today!

I can't believe the baby is now 18 weeks. The baby is now 5 1/2 inches long and 7 ounces. Crazy.

For the last week or so, I've been feeling some twinges that could be the baby moving. It feels like little vibrations. I've heard of people feeling little gas bubbles, which is actually pretty similar to what I'm feeling. I'm still not positive that I've felt movement, but there's a good chance that I am. I guess I'll know in a few more weeks.

Today we ordered the crib and dresser. I'm excited about this, but also a little freaked out. For some reason, that makes it even more real. In 22 more weeks, there will be a baby here who will sleep in our house and who we will actually take home with us. That kind of hit me when we ordered the furniture. Here are pictures of it.

How far along? 18 weeks!

Total weight gain/loss: I think I gained back about a pound of the five pounds I lost in 1st Tri, so I'm probably around -4 now.
Maternity clothes? I started wearing maternity capris more often. They are so comfy. I haven't been wearing maternity tops though.
Stretch marks? Nothing new.
Sleep: I've started staying up a bit later now, though I end up getting so tired that it's hard to go up to bed. I've also been using the snoogle almost every night because my lower back gets tired.

Best moment this week: Ordering the nursery furniture.

Movement: I think I'm starting to feel movement. It feels like little vibrations so far.
Food cravings: I've been really into yellow cupcakes lately.
Gender: Right now I'm thinking girl, but I'm really not sure. I'll find out Thursday though!
Labor Signs: None

Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: Strawberry margaritas and regular Pepsi.

What I am looking forward to: The big ultrasound on Thursday!!!

Weekly Wisdom: Go to bed before you get so tired that you can barely walk up the stairs!
Milestones: I'm probably starting to feel the baby move.

16 weeks

This week Poppy is the size of an Avocado. It is crazy how big the baby has gotten in such a short amount of time.

When we found out I was pregnant, the baby was barely the size of a poppy seed. Now, look how big he/she has gotten!

There's a (possibly small) chance that we'll even find out what sex Poppy is this week. I have an ultrasound on Thursday, at 16 weeks 4 days. Poppy has been measuring a couple of days ahead, so there is a slight chance that we'll be able to find out the sex. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high though. Since I'm considered high-risk, I'll be getting a lot of ultrasounds. If we don't find out the sex at this appointment, I should be able to find it out within the next month or so.

It would be great to know soon though. I think we'll feel more connected to the baby once we know the sex and can finalize a name. I would also love to start picking out the bedding.

I've started getting a little stressed lately that I'm completely unprepared for having a baby. I have no idea how to care for an infant and it's starting to get scary. My friend let me borrow some books, and I'm hoping it will help me start to feel a little more comfortable. I know that, either way, I'm not going to be prepared for this baby, but I'd like to learn as much as I can before having the baby. Maybe some of it will be useful. I guess we'll see. :)

How far along? 16 weeks!

Total weight gain/loss: Still down about five pounds, though I doubt that will last much longer. My appetite came back last week. :(
Maternity clothes? I wore maternity capris yesterday and they were sooo comfy. I also went to a Motherhood Maternity outlet today and found several more pairs of capris and tops.
Stretch marks? I've been a little uncomfortable lately. I'm also having a lot of trouble staying off of my back and belly while sleeping.

Best moment this week: I'm not sure...nothing really stands out.

Movement: Nope. I really hope it starts soon though!
Food cravings: I've been really into onion rings and steak lately.
Gender: I'm thinking more and more that we might be having a boy...
Labor Signs: None

Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: Sleeping through the night without getting up to pee several times.

What I am looking forward to: My next ultrasound on Thursday. I really hope the doctor will be able to determine the sex, but I'm not getting my hopes up too high.
Weekly Wisdom: Try to relax and enjoy the pregnancy, instead of wishing for it to go by quickly.

Milestones: None this week.

Flashing the office

I seem to be getting more and more pathetic as this pregnancy progresses. I'm not quite ready for maternity pants, but my regular pants are starting to get a little tight around the waist--especially when I'm sitting down. I've started unbuttoning my jeans to get some extra space. In the beginning, I only did this when I was sitting at my desk or in my car. However, at some point, I started doing this more, even when I was walking around.

The other day, my top button was undone as usual. It was the end of the day and I was heading to the bathroom. I stopped in and talked to my boss for a few minutes. Then I walked down the hall, making eye contact with a couple of people. When I got the bathroom, I realized that not only were my jeans unbuttoned, but my zipper was almost completely undone. I had just walked around my company with my pants practically falling off. I don't think any skin or underwear was exposed because of the overlapping material of my jeans, but I'm pretty sure at least a couple of people noticed my unzipped pants. Maybe it is finally time for some maternity jeans now!

Poppy is 15 weeks today

Today Poppy has reached 15 weeks old and is the size of an Apple! I can't believe how big he/she is getting. My pregnancy has been going pretty well so far. I'm down about 5 pounds at this point. I just haven't had any appetite lately and whenever I eat I get full right away. Oh well, I'm not going to complain for now. I'm sure my appetite will pick up at some point.

I've also been seeing a high-risk doctor because my blood pressure has been high. I was pretty freaked out about this in the beginning, but I've mostly come to terms with it. Although my blood pressure is high, the doctor thinks I'm okay for now without meds--though I don't think I'm going to make it through the pregnancy without meds at this point. I have to take my blood pressure every night. If it stays up for more than two nights, then I'll probably need meds.

I've also noticed that I have no memory now that I'm pregnant. On Thursday, I had a big goof up. I was five minutes from work when I realized that it was 7:25 and not 8:25. I had driven the entire way to work without realizing that I was an hour early! I must have reset the time on my alarm clock. Ugh. I was so exhausted in the afternoon. I ended up leaving an hour early, which was good because I desperately needed a nap.

DH and I have also been arguing a little more than usual lately. We just haven't been very understanding of each other. It stinks because we have been getting along really well until this week. He has been getting frustrated and every time he raises his voice I start to cry and I shut down. It's not very conducive to talking things out. We really need to work on this going forward. We had a long talk last night after our latest argument, so I'm optimistic that we'll be able to lay off each other a little more. I sure hope so. My hormones just aren't great right now and I can't really take much arguing.

How far along? 15 weeks!

Total weight gain/loss: Down about five pounds
Maternity clothes? I have a few tops and a pair of capris and shorts. I'd like to get a pair of maternity jeans, if I can find some that fit well.
Stretch marks? I have small ones on the sides of my breasts. :(
Sleep: I'm still really tired, though I'm able to stay up a little later than I could few weeks ago. I can usually stay up until 9:30--instead of 8:30.

Best moment this week: Giving DH his father's day present--a onesie with his band's logo.

Movement: Nope, though I'm hoping for some in the next few weeks.
Food cravings: None right now. I haven't been very hungry.
Gender: Early on I was convinced we were having a girl, then I thought it was a boy. Right now I'm really not sure.
Labor Signs: None

Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: Having energy and drinking caffeinated sodas.

What I am looking forward to: My next ultrasound on 7/2. I'll be 16 weeks 4 days then and I'm hopeful that we'll be able to find out the baby's sex.
Weekly Wisdom: Don't complain about not having an appetite--you'll get it back soon enough.

Milestones: Hearing a strong heartbeat on the doppler at the doctor's office--166!

Wow, 12 weeks already!

I can't believe I am now 12 weeks pregnant! I have been counting down to now for a while and it feels crazy that it's finally hear. Poppy is now the size of a small lime. He is curling and uncurling his toes and fingers and his mouth is making sucking motions. Adorable!

I've been completely exhausted for the last two weeks. I can barely keep my eyes open most of the day and I've been heading to bed between 8:30 and 9.

The nausea is starting to get a little better, though it's still there. The other night I actually threw up a little while I was driving. I was coughing really deeply and started to choke. All of a sudden, I had a mouth full of vomit. I was in DH's car, so it took me a little while to find a bag to spit into. I was also on the highway and it was dark and rainy. I had to drive five more minutes to the next exit before I could finish puking. It was pretty pathetic.

Unfortunately, that wasn't even my most pathetic moment of the week. Last weekend, I was having another coughing fit when a little pee came out! It was completely horrifying. I wasn't expecting to have to deal with that until the 3rd trimester. Time to do those kegels!

How far along? 12 weeks!

Total weight gain/loss: Down about two pounds
Maternity clothes? Not yet, though I did buy a few cute tops last weekend and a pair of shorts and capris.
Stretch marks? I have small ones on the sides of my breasts. :(
Sleep: I can't get enough sleep! I can barely stay awake until 8:30 most nights.

Best moment this week: My friend Tracey just told us last night that she is pregnant. She is 6 1/2 weeks, which is just a few weeks behind us. I'm actually really excited to be pregnant with her and to have our babies be best friends!

Movement: Nope.
Food cravings: None right now. I haven't been very hungry.
Gender: I'm not sure, though right now I'm thinking we're having a girl.
Labor Signs: None

Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: Staying awake past 9 o'clock.

What I am looking forward to: I'm still looking forward to finishing the 1st trimester, though I'm really confused about whether that happens at 12 weeks, 13 weeks, or 13 weeks 3 days. Oh well, it's really soon. We also have the NT scan on Tuesday. I'm looking forward to that, but I'm also really nervous.
Weekly Wisdom: Go to bed when you're tired, even if it seems ridiculously early.

Milestones: Reaching 12 weeks is a pretty big milestone for me!

Madame Zaritska birth predictor

I just tried out the birth predictor on http://pregnancyandbaby.com.

The day you deliver, outside will be fair. Your baby will arrive in the late morning. After a labor lasting approximately 6 hours, your child, a girl, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 4 pounds, 6 ounces, and will be 22 inches long. This child will have dark violet eyes and curly brown hair.

I'm not so sure about these predictions though. I have been feeling like we were having a girl, however, a lot of the other information seems off.

• Weather--my due date is December 13, so I'm not sure the weather is likely to be fair. It would be great if it was though.
• Gender--I have been thinking it was a girl (and my Mom is convinced, which is probably adding to my feeling)
• Weight--4 pounds, 6 ounces seems a little low, especially since I'm overweight
• Eye color--I'm not sure where the baby would get violet eyes. I have brown eyes and DH has blue eyes
• Hair--The baby is likely to have curly hair because DH's hair is really curly and mine is wavy. However, we're expecting the baby to have blond hair because we were both blond as kids.

I borrowed this outline from another blogger. I'm hoping it will help me remember what is going on each week.

How far along? 10 weeks!

Total weight gain/loss: Down about two pounds
Maternity clothes? Nope. I have picked up a couple of shirts so far and a bella band. However, I haven't needed them yet. I did start unbuttoning my top bottom occasionally at work though.
Stretch marks? No
Sleep: I haven't been sleeping very well the last couple of nights. I've been pretty hot and uncomfortable. I've also been using the bathroom 2-3 times a night for the last few nights. I've also been getting exhausted really early.

Best moment this week: It was probably last Sunday when we told our families about Poppy. People were so happy for us and it was great telling everyone--especially Nana when she started crying while we were at breakfast. I also loved the pregnant teddy bear that DH got me for Mother's Day.

Movement: Nope.
Food cravings: I haven't had a lot lately. The baby did want chinese food today, but it didn't work out too well.
Gender: I'm not sure, though right now I'm thinking we're having a girl.
Labor Signs: None

Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: Having energy during the day and being able to stay awake later than 9 o'clock. I'd also like a frozen strawberry Margarita. Yum.

What I am looking forward to: I'm really looking forward to finishing the first trimester in a couple of weeks.
Weekly Wisdom: Go to bed when you're tired, even if it seems ridiculously early.

Milestones: Week 10 is 25% of the way through the pregnancy!

Baby Poppy is 10 weeks today

This week Poppy is the size of a Prune or a kumquat. His/her legs are kicking and he/she is swallowing fluid. Vital organs — including his kidneys, intestines, brain, and liver (now making red blood cells in place of the disappearing yolk sac) — are in place and starting to function, though they'll continue to develop throughout your pregnancy.

Poppy's tiny nails are also forming on fingers and toes and peach-fuzz hair is growing on his/her skin.

Poppy's limbs can also bend now. His/her hands are flexed at the wrist and meet over his heart, and his feet may be long enough to meet in front of his body. The outline of his spine is clearly visible through translucent skin, and spinal nerves are beginning to stretch out from his spinal cord.

How exciting! Good job Poppy!

Belated Mother's Day recap

I can't believe that I am almost 10 weeks pregnant. It's crazy, really. I celebrated my first Mother's Day as a "pseudo Mom." I don't entirely feel like a Mom yet, but it was nice celebrating a little. DH got me a pregnant teddy bear from Vermont Teddy Bear. It is so cute and even has a removable belly! My Mom got me a gift card to get a pedicure--I desperately need one!

We also told most of our family on Mother's Day. My Nana had the best reaction. We included a printout of the ultrasound picture in a Mother's Day card for her. She immediately started crying in the restaurant. She was so happy for us--and she had apparently been waiting for this for a very long time! We also told my other grandparents and all of my aunts and uncles. DH then called his grandparents, who were also very excited. His Grammie told me that she was going to light one of the big candles for us in church. It was really sweet.

It's great finally being able to tell people. We are telling some of our close friends tonight. I'm still waiting to tell work until around 12 weeks. Telling people makes the baby feel so much more real. I love it.

First ultrasound today

I had my first ultrasound today and it was beyond AMAZING. It was an internal ultrasound and she was able to find Poppy immediately. DH was with me and he saw the little heartbeat right away (186 BPM).

We also got to see the head and the little stumps for the arms and legs. At one point, Poppy was kicking around and waving at us. The ultrasound tech said everything looks perfect. The baby was measuring at 8 weeks and 5 days (I'm 8 weeks and 3 days today). We could also see the yolk sack and the placenta. It was really amazing.

It was great seeing the baby after all of the stress from this last week. When I went to the doctor last week, my blood pressure was high (140/90). I went to the OB on Monday and he said it was still that high. He is going to be monitoring me and there's a pretty good chance that I'll go on meds at some point since my blood pressure is already high and it's still early. Hopefully everything will be okay. It makes me feel more confident seeing the baby now.

Poppy will soon be a sweet pea

Poppy is already growing up so big and strong. This week he is starting to sprout eyes, ears, nose, cheeks, and chin. His hands and feet may also start wiggling this week (they are still webbed). His heart should also be beating and circulating blood.

As for me, I'm feeling super pregnant already, which is ridiculous since it's so early. I have nausea pretty much every morning. I've also been exhausted and in needs of naps each day. Last night I had to pee three times, which is crazy. I can't believe I had that much in me.

I had my first pregnancy-hormone breakdown on Wednesday as well. DH yelled at me because I've been complaining a lot about the accident he had last fall that is still causing problems with his car. I started balling in the car and had to pull over to a rest area to cry for 10 minutes before getting myself together. DH was with me and he was pretty horrified by my hormones. When I finally stopped crying, I saw how horrible I looked, which made me start crying again. Ah,
hormones.

I am also taking a mindfulness-based stress reduction class with my Mom. It's been really good so far and I am learning to meditate, which isn't usually my still. I like it though. The teacher was telling a story about a dog being put down (the point was about how dogs live life to the fullest, I guess). Well, I can't handle those kinds of stories, even on a good day. I started crying and had to run upstairs to the bathroom to ball my eyes out. Ugh. I feel like such a baby yesterday with all of my hormones and pregnancy symptoms. I feel so lucky for being pregnant and I can't wait for Poppy, but I wish I was better at being pregnant. Hopefully my body will straighten itself out soon so I can stop being such a wreck.

Woo hoo for Poppy!

I went for my second round of blood work today and the results were great! My blood level was 576.1--which is awesome! It has been about 5 days since I got my original blood work (results were 47.1). Since blood levels double every 48-72 hours, I was just hoping for levels in the hundreds. I'm so thrilled!

I'm also really excited to tell our families about the pregnancy. We invited my Mom to come over for dinner tomorrow night. I bought her a baby picture frame and DH wrote "Save the Date: December 13, 2009. I really can't wait to tell her. It's been hard to see her all week without spilling.

We're planning to tell DH's parents on Saturday. We bought a Grateful Dead onesie to break the news to them since they are huge fans. I really can't wait to tell them this!

Pregnancy mantra

This is a pregnancy mantra that I found on The Bump:

* Today I am pregnant and I love my baby.
* I am pregnant until someone tells me otherwise.
* My past does not dictate my future. A previous m/c does not mean I will have another m/c.--Just because something sad is happening to another poster, does not mean it will happen to you. We all know m/c and complications are not contagious!
* Hope does not make bad things happen You cannot ‘jinx’ your pregnancy by creating a ticker, getting excited, or telling someone. Live in the positive!
* And this is the hardest one: There is nothing I can do to prevent a m/c from happening. Worrying yourself sick doesn't prevent a m/c. And if (gods forbid) it were to happen again, I know I will survive.

Loving Baby Poppy Seed

I am 4 weeks pregnant today. This week, the baby is the size of a poppy seed. The baby is being fed by the yolk sack, until the placenta forms in the next few weeks. How exciting!

DH and I went out for a nice dinner Friday night to celebrate the baby. He has taken to calling the baby "Poppy." I think it's very cute when he calls the baby that.

We've also planned how we're going to tell our families about the baby. We're going to have my Mom over for dinner Thursday. I bought a baby-style picture frame at Kohl's on Friday. We're going to put "Save the Date: December 13, 2009" in the picture frame. We also ordered a Grateful Dead onesie to tell DH's parents. It's really cute. It has one of the Grateful Dead bears sitting on a half-moon. Adorable! They are big Grateful Dead fans, so this should be great. We are going to wait until after our 10-week appointment to tell the rest of our family. We're really looking forward to telling our parents though. It's cute to see DH so excited about that.

I do find myself being constantly nervous that something is going to go wrong though. I check the toilet paper every time I use the bathroom to check for blood. Luckily, all has been good so far. I'm hoping that I will feel better after I talk to the doctor tomorrow about my bloodwork. I'm still nervous that my HcG levels were pretty low. I think they were pretty normal for this early in my pregnancy. I wonder if they're going to send me for follow-up bloodwork, or if they are just going to say everything is fine. I'm also not thrilled that my first appointment isn't until 10 weeks on May 12. I've seen other people on The Bump who get to see their doctors and hear the heartbeat way before then. I just hope my doctor isn't too layed back--because I'm not layed back. Oh well, maybe it will be good overall.

I guess I really do need to calm down about my nerves. There really is nothing I can do if I'm going to miscarry or have a chemical pregnancy. I'm just so scared about that. Either way, today I am pregnant, and I love my baby. I really want this baby to grow up big and strong. I have such dreams for the baby and I can't wait to get to know him or her.

First round of betas

I went to get my blood test this morning to confirm my pregnancy. I was able to talk the lab tech into giving me my results over the phone because my doctor's office is closed on Fridays.

I'm a little nervous about my results. They are 47, which is a little low according to the tech. I guess they usually like to see 50+ for pregnancy. However, it is probably okay given that I am so early in my pregnancy. I am only 3 weeks and 5 days at this point, which is ridiculously early.

On the American Pregnancy Association site, the range for three weeks is from 5-50, so I am at the high range of that. I'm just going to keep my fingers crossed that everything is okay. They are probably going to send me for more blood work early next week. If the number doubles, then I'll know that everything is going well at this point. For now, I'm going to keep my fingers crossed.

I am pregnant!!!

I am pregnant! I am still in shock really. Wednesday morning, I got what I thought was an evaporation line. I was still hopeful, but when I got to work and looked it up, it sounded like the textbook evaporation line. On the way home, I went to the $ Tree and bought 10 tests (hey, they're only $1 each!).

The test was still barely visible at that point. I had another (more expensive) test under the sink that I was saving (maybe for a special occasion?). I decided to try that one as well--and it showed a line. I found DH and showed him. It was so light though. I know "a line is a line," but I wasn't super confident. I decided to drive to CVS to get a digital test. I ended up buying a three-pack of digitals and one other type of test. When I got home, the digital test said "not pregnant," but the other test had a really faint line. At that point, I thought I probably was pregnant, but I was trying not to get my hopes up too much. My plan was to wait until Thursday morning and test with FMU (first morning urine).

On Thursday morning, I woke up an hour before normal and laid in bed. When my alarm went off, I jumped up to pee in a cup. I used the digital, the $ tree, and the other test that I bought. The digital showed up "pregnant" pretty quickly. The other test did too. The $ tree test was really only a shadow, but it showed up eventually.

I woke DH up to help me read the tests. He walked over bleary eyed, expecting to see really faint lines. I had him look at the digital first. He just stared at it for a second, not really believing it at first. Then we hugged for about 10 minutes. At one point, he whispered in my ear to say "see, my plan worked" (see previous month's post about DH's TTC plan). I just can't believe this is happening. I'm sooo happy!

CD 14 and DH TTC plan

Well, today is CD 14. I can't say that I miss charting overall this month. However, I am a little nervous. I O'd on CD 14 last month and CD 12 the month before. I feel like we covered both of those days pretty well this month. I do sort of wish I could see which day I O'd on. We had sex on the following days so far (within the "fertile window"):

• CD 10 (PM)
• CD 12 (PM)--I had EWCM this day
• CD 13 (PM)
• CD 14 (AM)

We had only planned to have sex every other day within the fertile time, but I couldn't resist upping it a bit after seeing the EWCM Thursday. DH has been pretty good about TTC all month as well. He has been on board each night, which is good. I'm still hoping to have sex one or two more times before CD 18, just to be sure.

I think I've been following the plan reasonably well. I'm not charting or using OPKs. I've been walking more and eating a little better. There is still a lot of room for improvement in both of those areas though. I haven't been doing well with limiting my time on the Bump though. I've been wanting to spend less time on there. However, I can't seem to stay away.

I really hope this is the month. It's our last chance to have a 2009 baby. I guess we'll see. I know it's good over all that I won't have a chart to stare at during the 2ww. I do, however, wish I could confirm my ovulation date. That makes me a little nervous.

Not stressing too much

I feel reasonably relaxed about TTC right now. Of course, I'm only on CD6 now, so that may all change. I decided not to chart this month, which is a pretty big deal for me. Last month I was obsessing over every temperature and checking Fertility Friend 3-5 times a day, especially in the 2ww. It was just getting to be way too much. I have a lot of anxiety and OCD history, and I was obsessing too much about my chart.

This month, my plan is to be more relaxed about the process. We will be having sex approximately every other day from around CD10-18. I should hit my typical O date within that time. I'm hoping not having a chart in the 2ww will help my anxiety, though I know it could do the opposite and give me nothing to channel my anxiety into.

I'm really hoping my new, calmer approach is helpful this month. If not, I'll probably go back to charting next month, though I may stop after confirming O so I can't stress. We'll see...

AF arrived

Well, AF finally arrived. I think I took it pretty well today. However, she wasn't pretty subtle this month, so I got most of my mourning out of the way on Friday when my temp did a nose-dive into pre-O temps. I didn't exactly take it well that day.

I just got back from seeing "He's Just Not That Into You" with my Mom. It was cute and it took my mind off my cramps and bloating for a while. I still can't help but feel that AF is a cruel b*tch. Not only am I not pregnant this month, but I have to be crampy and uncomfortable when she comes.

This month I'm planning to try "DH's TTC Plan." (See previous posts.) It really is just his attempts to try to get me to stress less while TTC and to exercise and eat better. God knows, I need to do all of those things. I agreed not to temp though, which I'm a little nervous about. In some ways, I look forward to not doing that, but in other ways I worry that I won't know when I O. This last month, I was way to obsessed with my chart. I stared at it several times a day, and obsessed over every temp dip. It wasn't very good for my stress level. I figure I can take one month off. If I don't get pregnant this month, I'll probably start temping again. I'm going to cross my fingers that this is the month though...

More Together Today

Today was a much better day than yesterday. I had lunch with my mother and my brother. That was nice, though I had some stress about DH's car. It was supposed to be fixed today, but the garage found something else wrong with it that isn't covered under the warranty. They think it happened because of DH's accident last summer. Now we'll have to call our insurance company, which will probably be a pain. Oh well.

I'm still left hanging a bit, knowing that AF is most likely on her way. However, I haven't gotten any spotting and I got a slight temp rise, even though I temped an hour earlier than normal. If I don't get any spotting before the morning, I may take a test again, just to see. I'm not really getting my hopes up though, because I know the temp dip yesterday was probably the kiss of death to my hopes this month. Still, I keep thinking that I may have a chance. I haven't had as many phantom symptoms this month, which is probably good. I have had one weird symptom--I got hot flashes after dinner twice last weekend. That pretty much never happens. Another one of the bump girls posted her BFP symptoms the other day, and she listed hot flashes among them. I'm silling to get my hopes up though...

Cry-baby

I feel like such a cry-baby today. I've had three actual outbursts today where I just started balling. I feel like I have no control over my emotions at the moment. I cried this morning after talking to DH because he got annoyed that I was so depressed. Then I was talking to my Mom later in the day and I just started crying. About an hour ago, I was arguing a little with DH and I started crying again. It's not that DH has even done anything wrong today.

It's just that I feel so depressed that AF is going to show any minute and he doesn't feel this pain as strongly as I do. I know he wants a baby, but it's only been four cycles, so he would still be surprised if it happened this soon. He's also not dealing with the roller-coaster of being deluded into thinking that this could be the month, only to have his hopes crushed . I'm sure all of my hormones from impending AF are only making things even worse. It's just hard feeling this disappointment so acutely, and knowing that I am all alone with these feelings...

12 DPO temp plummet

My temperature managed to hit a new low today. It managed to drop more than .6 degrees from yesterday to today. Instead of POAS like I'd planned this morning, I put a pad on to get ready for AF. I went back to bed, when I woke up two hours later, for some reason I decided to take my temperature again. This time it was high--97.95. Of course, this temperature wasn't valid in any way--it was two hours after my normal temping time and I had only gotten another hour and half of sleep by that time.

I managed to delude myself into thinking that maybe I still had a shot. I decided to POAS just for fun. Well, I certainly didn't have fun. It's amazing how dark those test lines are when the area around it is so stark and white. All I wanted was a faint line to appear, but no, that did not happen because I am obviously not pregnant.

Now, I am forced to sit at home, trying to work, while I wait for AF to make her imminent arrival. I was so hopeful this month. I felt like we did everything right. I even gagged down pineapple from 1 DPO-5DPO. My chances for a 2009 baby have pretty much gone down the toilet. I have one more cycle left to make it happen for this year, but all of my hope is gone at this point.

11 DPO and stressed

I'm feeling really stressed again today. For some reason, I was beyond irritable. Everything at work seemed to set me off. One of my coworkers was being particularly annoying and passive aggressive. I managed to avoid telling her off, but just barely.

I'm also a little nervous about DH's hydrocele. He just found out he had this fluid-filled pocket in his scrotum. Um, I sort of need his testicles to be in good working order at the moment! There's still a good shot that it won't affect his fertility. Either way, we won't know until he sees a urologist. This adds even more stress on me at the moment to be pregnant this month. What if there is something wrong with him and he either is infertile or needs a surgery? (He isn't in any pain, so at least that's not a concern.) I'm just feeling so much extra pressure now to be pregnant this month. Who am I kidding though? I am 11 DPO, so either way I'd be pretty stressed. I think I may POAS tomorrow. ::crosses fingers::

DH's pregnancy plan

I tested this morning at 10 DPO. It was negative, of course. I got a pretty big spike (.4 degrees) this morning, so I thought it might be worth POAS. I was wrong, unfortunately. After the BFN, I crawled back in bed with DH. He doesn't like how stressed I've been about this, especially about fluctuations in my temperatures. I agreed to take a break on temping and OPKs for next month and to try to focus on relaxing and not being so stressed. DH mapped out a TTC plan for us to try next month, if I get AF. Here's DH's plan:

“The DH Plan”

This is just a suggested plan and you are in no way being forced into doing this. Following the plan is at your option, though it would be appreciated by me if you really did give it a shot.

1. Based on previous month’s estimates of ovulation, we do it approximately every other day during days 9 to 18 of your cycle.

• No stressing over doing it exactly every other day. Just make “best efforts”.
• Try to have fun

2. Reduce Stress and Obsessing

• No taking your temperature or viewing your temperature chart
• No ovulation test strips
• Reduced time on “the bump” or any other pregnancy related website (e.g., 15 minutes per day max)
  

3. Positive Anticipation

• No focusing on negatives
  
• No focusing on other’s ability to get pregnant
  
• No whining/pouting (you’ll probably make that face when you read this)
• Remind yourself that there are some things that are out of your control
• Remind yourself that it is perfectly normal for it to take 6 to 12 months to get pregnant
• Focus on the positive parts of having a baby--anything positive goes
• Instead of fretting over not being pregnant, think optimistically (not “I wish I was pregnant”, but rather “I will get pregnant in the near future”)

4. Eating Healthy

• Reduce calories
  
• No candy
• No regular soda
• Cut back significantly on fried food
• Reduce Caffeine--Yes, that includes diet Sunkist – just cut back a little
• Introduce healthier choices
• More veggies
• Less fried food
• Think ahead of healthier options when eating out
• Eat out / take out less, including going out to breakfast
• Consider going back to weight watchers if you think that would help
  

5. Exercise

• Suggested: 15 minutes per day, 30 minutes on the weekends

DH promises:

1. I won’t police you as long as you truly make best efforts
2. I will join in equally with the eating healthy and will cook healthy meals
3. I will be an encouraging partner
4. I will understand if you have a bad day as long as you’re willing to get back on the horse the next day

Really stressed

DH just told me that there are going to be major lay-offs at his work this week. His company does seem to be going on a downward spiral. They lost one of their major accounts, and that seems to be leading to a lot of lost business. He is really stressed, so I'm trying to be supportive. It's really hard not to get stressed about what would happen if he got laid off and didn't find a job for a while. Our mortgage is really expensive and we just have a lot of bills. We couldn't afford to pay for the house without both of our incomes. Ugh.

I had this fear that I was going to get a positive pregnancy test tomorrow, but that he was going to get laid off on the same day. I don't think DH could be very excited about a pregnancy if that happened on the very same day. I'm really getting too far ahead of myself though. My temps are heading down, so I'm not particularly hopeful. They've gone down by about .1 degrees a day for the last three days. As long as they don't go down again tomorrow, I think I'm going to test first thing in the morning. It will be my first time testing at 10 DPO. I'm not really expecting much, but I'm still a little hopeful. We had sex every day leading up to O and I'm really hoping that made the difference. However, the direction of my temps is making me expect disappointment this month.

Two week wait

The two week wait is killing me this month. I'm only at 7 DPO today, but I can't stop obsessing over my chart. I really hope this is the month. We had sex every day until the day after O. I even drank pineapple smoothies each night from 1 DPO to 5 DPO to aid with implantation.

I'm really hoping this is the month. I'm getting stressed about only having one more cycle after this cycle in order to have a 2009 baby. I'll obviously take whatever birthday I can get at this point...

My chart

I'm feeling pretty good about our TTC efforts this month. This is my second month temping and I was pretty consistent this month.

We also had sex every day leading up to O for the first time this month. It was a little tough to get in the mood to have sex each night, when most of those nights we probably wouldn't have done it if we weren't TTC. Believe me, it took some extra special efforts to get DH in the mood each night. However, he was on board and we even enjoyed it!

I'm now 5 DPO and this is my last night of pineapple smoothies. I also decided to try that this month. The recipe on the GP Nest Blog is pretty yummy, so I've been following that for the most part.
Pineapple smoothie recipe

Why I love the Bump

I am currently obsessed with the Bump. I can spend hours on there at a time. I love hearing about other people's experiences TTC. It's great being able to cheer others on and know that they will also support me. DH and I aren't really tellling anyone else about TTC, so it's nice to go on there.

I also enjoy the drama sometimes. It's interesting to see some of the train-wrecks. I still get a little nervous about getting flamed, but I think I've learned enough about the unwritten rules of the board so I can avoid particularly annoying things.