AF arrived

Well, AF finally arrived. I think I took it pretty well today. However, she wasn't pretty subtle this month, so I got most of my mourning out of the way on Friday when my temp did a nose-dive into pre-O temps. I didn't exactly take it well that day.

I just got back from seeing "He's Just Not That Into You" with my Mom. It was cute and it took my mind off my cramps and bloating for a while. I still can't help but feel that AF is a cruel b*tch. Not only am I not pregnant this month, but I have to be crampy and uncomfortable when she comes.

This month I'm planning to try "DH's TTC Plan." (See previous posts.) It really is just his attempts to try to get me to stress less while TTC and to exercise and eat better. God knows, I need to do all of those things. I agreed not to temp though, which I'm a little nervous about. In some ways, I look forward to not doing that, but in other ways I worry that I won't know when I O. This last month, I was way to obsessed with my chart. I stared at it several times a day, and obsessed over every temp dip. It wasn't very good for my stress level. I figure I can take one month off. If I don't get pregnant this month, I'll probably start temping again. I'm going to cross my fingers that this is the month though...

More Together Today

Today was a much better day than yesterday. I had lunch with my mother and my brother. That was nice, though I had some stress about DH's car. It was supposed to be fixed today, but the garage found something else wrong with it that isn't covered under the warranty. They think it happened because of DH's accident last summer. Now we'll have to call our insurance company, which will probably be a pain. Oh well.

I'm still left hanging a bit, knowing that AF is most likely on her way. However, I haven't gotten any spotting and I got a slight temp rise, even though I temped an hour earlier than normal. If I don't get any spotting before the morning, I may take a test again, just to see. I'm not really getting my hopes up though, because I know the temp dip yesterday was probably the kiss of death to my hopes this month. Still, I keep thinking that I may have a chance. I haven't had as many phantom symptoms this month, which is probably good. I have had one weird symptom--I got hot flashes after dinner twice last weekend. That pretty much never happens. Another one of the bump girls posted her BFP symptoms the other day, and she listed hot flashes among them. I'm silling to get my hopes up though...

Cry-baby

I feel like such a cry-baby today. I've had three actual outbursts today where I just started balling. I feel like I have no control over my emotions at the moment. I cried this morning after talking to DH because he got annoyed that I was so depressed. Then I was talking to my Mom later in the day and I just started crying. About an hour ago, I was arguing a little with DH and I started crying again. It's not that DH has even done anything wrong today.

It's just that I feel so depressed that AF is going to show any minute and he doesn't feel this pain as strongly as I do. I know he wants a baby, but it's only been four cycles, so he would still be surprised if it happened this soon. He's also not dealing with the roller-coaster of being deluded into thinking that this could be the month, only to have his hopes crushed . I'm sure all of my hormones from impending AF are only making things even worse. It's just hard feeling this disappointment so acutely, and knowing that I am all alone with these feelings...