CD 14 and DH TTC plan

Well, today is CD 14. I can't say that I miss charting overall this month. However, I am a little nervous. I O'd on CD 14 last month and CD 12 the month before. I feel like we covered both of those days pretty well this month. I do sort of wish I could see which day I O'd on. We had sex on the following days so far (within the "fertile window"):

• CD 10 (PM)
• CD 12 (PM)--I had EWCM this day
• CD 13 (PM)
• CD 14 (AM)

We had only planned to have sex every other day within the fertile time, but I couldn't resist upping it a bit after seeing the EWCM Thursday. DH has been pretty good about TTC all month as well. He has been on board each night, which is good. I'm still hoping to have sex one or two more times before CD 18, just to be sure.

I think I've been following the plan reasonably well. I'm not charting or using OPKs. I've been walking more and eating a little better. There is still a lot of room for improvement in both of those areas though. I haven't been doing well with limiting my time on the Bump though. I've been wanting to spend less time on there. However, I can't seem to stay away.

I really hope this is the month. It's our last chance to have a 2009 baby. I guess we'll see. I know it's good over all that I won't have a chart to stare at during the 2ww. I do, however, wish I could confirm my ovulation date. That makes me a little nervous.

Not stressing too much

I feel reasonably relaxed about TTC right now. Of course, I'm only on CD6 now, so that may all change. I decided not to chart this month, which is a pretty big deal for me. Last month I was obsessing over every temperature and checking Fertility Friend 3-5 times a day, especially in the 2ww. It was just getting to be way too much. I have a lot of anxiety and OCD history, and I was obsessing too much about my chart.

This month, my plan is to be more relaxed about the process. We will be having sex approximately every other day from around CD10-18. I should hit my typical O date within that time. I'm hoping not having a chart in the 2ww will help my anxiety, though I know it could do the opposite and give me nothing to channel my anxiety into.

I'm really hoping my new, calmer approach is helpful this month. If not, I'll probably go back to charting next month, though I may stop after confirming O so I can't stress. We'll see...

AF arrived

Well, AF finally arrived. I think I took it pretty well today. However, she wasn't pretty subtle this month, so I got most of my mourning out of the way on Friday when my temp did a nose-dive into pre-O temps. I didn't exactly take it well that day.

I just got back from seeing "He's Just Not That Into You" with my Mom. It was cute and it took my mind off my cramps and bloating for a while. I still can't help but feel that AF is a cruel b*tch. Not only am I not pregnant this month, but I have to be crampy and uncomfortable when she comes.

This month I'm planning to try "DH's TTC Plan." (See previous posts.) It really is just his attempts to try to get me to stress less while TTC and to exercise and eat better. God knows, I need to do all of those things. I agreed not to temp though, which I'm a little nervous about. In some ways, I look forward to not doing that, but in other ways I worry that I won't know when I O. This last month, I was way to obsessed with my chart. I stared at it several times a day, and obsessed over every temp dip. It wasn't very good for my stress level. I figure I can take one month off. If I don't get pregnant this month, I'll probably start temping again. I'm going to cross my fingers that this is the month though...

More Together Today

Today was a much better day than yesterday. I had lunch with my mother and my brother. That was nice, though I had some stress about DH's car. It was supposed to be fixed today, but the garage found something else wrong with it that isn't covered under the warranty. They think it happened because of DH's accident last summer. Now we'll have to call our insurance company, which will probably be a pain. Oh well.

I'm still left hanging a bit, knowing that AF is most likely on her way. However, I haven't gotten any spotting and I got a slight temp rise, even though I temped an hour earlier than normal. If I don't get any spotting before the morning, I may take a test again, just to see. I'm not really getting my hopes up though, because I know the temp dip yesterday was probably the kiss of death to my hopes this month. Still, I keep thinking that I may have a chance. I haven't had as many phantom symptoms this month, which is probably good. I have had one weird symptom--I got hot flashes after dinner twice last weekend. That pretty much never happens. Another one of the bump girls posted her BFP symptoms the other day, and she listed hot flashes among them. I'm silling to get my hopes up though...

Cry-baby

I feel like such a cry-baby today. I've had three actual outbursts today where I just started balling. I feel like I have no control over my emotions at the moment. I cried this morning after talking to DH because he got annoyed that I was so depressed. Then I was talking to my Mom later in the day and I just started crying. About an hour ago, I was arguing a little with DH and I started crying again. It's not that DH has even done anything wrong today.

It's just that I feel so depressed that AF is going to show any minute and he doesn't feel this pain as strongly as I do. I know he wants a baby, but it's only been four cycles, so he would still be surprised if it happened this soon. He's also not dealing with the roller-coaster of being deluded into thinking that this could be the month, only to have his hopes crushed . I'm sure all of my hormones from impending AF are only making things even worse. It's just hard feeling this disappointment so acutely, and knowing that I am all alone with these feelings...

12 DPO temp plummet

My temperature managed to hit a new low today. It managed to drop more than .6 degrees from yesterday to today. Instead of POAS like I'd planned this morning, I put a pad on to get ready for AF. I went back to bed, when I woke up two hours later, for some reason I decided to take my temperature again. This time it was high--97.95. Of course, this temperature wasn't valid in any way--it was two hours after my normal temping time and I had only gotten another hour and half of sleep by that time.

I managed to delude myself into thinking that maybe I still had a shot. I decided to POAS just for fun. Well, I certainly didn't have fun. It's amazing how dark those test lines are when the area around it is so stark and white. All I wanted was a faint line to appear, but no, that did not happen because I am obviously not pregnant.

Now, I am forced to sit at home, trying to work, while I wait for AF to make her imminent arrival. I was so hopeful this month. I felt like we did everything right. I even gagged down pineapple from 1 DPO-5DPO. My chances for a 2009 baby have pretty much gone down the toilet. I have one more cycle left to make it happen for this year, but all of my hope is gone at this point.

11 DPO and stressed

I'm feeling really stressed again today. For some reason, I was beyond irritable. Everything at work seemed to set me off. One of my coworkers was being particularly annoying and passive aggressive. I managed to avoid telling her off, but just barely.

I'm also a little nervous about DH's hydrocele. He just found out he had this fluid-filled pocket in his scrotum. Um, I sort of need his testicles to be in good working order at the moment! There's still a good shot that it won't affect his fertility. Either way, we won't know until he sees a urologist. This adds even more stress on me at the moment to be pregnant this month. What if there is something wrong with him and he either is infertile or needs a surgery? (He isn't in any pain, so at least that's not a concern.) I'm just feeling so much extra pressure now to be pregnant this month. Who am I kidding though? I am 11 DPO, so either way I'd be pretty stressed. I think I may POAS tomorrow. ::crosses fingers::