Ramblings and baby panic

I had a major baby panic attack today. DH and I were discussing the "game plan" at lunch for how we were going to handle sleep deprivation, crying babies, etc. in the first few weeks after birth. (As if you can really plan for those things, but I indulged DH. ;)

Talking about this just made me so scared--and then guilty for being scared. Some days I just can't wait to get Andy here in my arms--but today wasn't one of them! Ugh, how am I going to handle being in charge of a little infant?? He won't even be able to hold his head up--what if I forget to hold it?

Now that my due date is getting closer, I'm slightly in panic mode. I also feel guilty for feeling so afraid of having a baby. I mean, if I was a going to be a good mother, shouldn't I just be excited about this? Instead, I'm terrified that I won't be able to take care of this sweet, little baby who will depend on me and DH for its complete survival. What if I mess up this perfect angel?

DH finally talked me off the ledge. I guess all we can do is take it one day, one hour, and one minute at a time. I just love Andrew so much already and I hope we can do a good job raising him and keeping him safe.

How far along? 29 weeks!

Total weight gain/loss: I think I'm about two pounds up at this point. I gained back the weight that I lost in 1st Tri.
Maternity clothes? I'm almost exclusively in maternity clothes. Most days I just wear sweatpants though, since I'm working at home.
Stretch marks? I noticed the first new stretchmarks the other day, at the bottom of my belly.

Best moment this week: Probably seeing the baby again at my ultrasound on Thursday. I get a lot of ultrasounds, but it's always so good to see him!

Movement: Andy moves almost constantly. He has started giving me some strong cervix kicks lately that take my breath away.
Food cravings: I've been wanting a lot of foods that I'm not usually interested in. This week I really wanted a BLT, Taco Bell, and buffalo wings--all things that I don't usually like.
Gender: Boy.
Labor Signs: None

Belly Button in or out? In, but it is stretched out a lot.
What I miss: Caffeine, Advil.

What I am looking forward to: My baby shower next Sunday!

Milestones: I've officially been in 3rd Tri for about a week now. Woo hoo!

Thoughts on turning 30

Today I am 30 years old--an age that always seemed soooo old to me growing up. I'm still coming to terms with this number, though it doesn't sound quote so old any more. Now that I'm turning 30, I'm really excited about this next decade. Being 26 weeks pregnant makes this a really interesting transition for me. I feel like the 30s will be my "Mommy Years."

In my 20s, I graduated from college, got married, built my career, adopted our Westie Oscar, bought a condo, then sold that condo and bought a brand new house with DH. Sounds pretty productive, no? It's hard to think now of all of the milestones I'll have to look back on throughout my 30s. I mean--I know the baby is coming, and we'll probably even have another baby in a few years. However, I don't know what to really expect for "milestones." Are my milestones really the baby's milestones going forward? Will I be listing items like Andy getting his first tooth, Andy starting preschool and elementary school, or Andy getting his first sports trophy? Will the milestones in my 30s really be MY milestones or his??

Are the 30s going to be the decade when I become more selfless? When things are no longer about me? Of course, that isn't such a bad thing in a lot of ways. I just wonder how it's going to play out and where I'll be 10 years from now. How will this baby change me and my goals? How will it affect my relationship with DH?

So many things are up in the air right now. I feel both excited and anxious to embark on this new section of my life. I'm also happy to have such great people around me to share this next decade with.